These days, even innocent phrases uttered by HR can make employees jumpy.

So, courtesy of buzzwhack.com, here are the Top 10 things nervous employees don’t want to hear right now:

1. “Can I see you in the conference room?” Just as bad: “Can we talk?” and “Gotta minute?” In all cases, initiating contact with a tap on the shoulder makes things even worse.
2. “Isn’t your performance review coming up soon?” Particularly if it isn’t due for another two months.
3. “We don’t look at this as a problem – but as an opportunity.” Generally delivered with an insincere Pollyanna-ish lilt.
4. “I’ve always thought of us as family around here, but … ” Given the choice of laying off you or his mother, guess which he will choose?
5. “You’re a great contributor, but … “ A compliment followed by a “but” is never a good thing.
6. “Maintaining the status quo is no longer an option.” Generally, the next sentence contains really bad news for someone.
7. “We’re going to refocus and concentrate on our core business.” That generally means refocusing on the business the company was in before it hired you.
8. “We’re not planning to have layoffs, but there will be some restructuring.” Hmmmmm.
9. “Due to the ongoing turmoil in the capital markets …” Any sentence that has “turmoil” and “capital” in it can’t be good.
10. “They’ve asked everyone to come to the Employee Appreciation Room for a 4 p.m. meeting.”

Do you have your own suggestions for this list? Make your nominations in the Comments Box below.

A study by Randstad USA, a unit of Randstad NV, finds half of U.S. workers don’t respect their bosses and only half believe they are competent.

Randstad’s director, Eric Buntin, said in these tough economic times, companies are focusing more on the bottom line at the expense of employee relations.

Some other stats from the survey:

• Only 43% think their boss is open to new ideas
• Just 47% were willing to work overtime to impress their boss and create more job security for themselves, and
• Less than 30% believed their bosses were fulfilling their roles as motivators, role models or mentors.

Those sorts of claims have turned sick time into a political hot potato.

A bill introduced in Congress, the Healthy Families Act, would mandate that employers with at least 15 workers give seven paid sick days to employees a year.

Would Congress be so bold to pass such a bill? Maybe, because surveys show about 80% of workers think paid time off for illness or taking care of sick relatives should be a basic worker’s right.

Of course, FMLA requires employers to hold jobs for a reasonable period for personal or family illness. But there’s no current federal law to mandate any of that time is paid.

Some states legislatures are also reviewing their own paid-time-off bills.

Do you think companies should be mandated by the federal government to provide a minimum amount of paid time off for illness to employees? What is your company’s policy? Let us know in the Comments box below.

HR managers are often the shoulder to cry on or the person to “just listen” when employees are having a tough time with their bosses. But who listens to disgruntled employees when the boss is a U.S. Congressman?

U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner, a Democrat who represents parts of Brooklyn and Queens, NY, has a reputation as one of the toughest members of Congress to work for.

“I push people hard,” Weiner admitted in an interview with The New York Times.

Take this example: John Graff worked as a scheduler for Weiner. One day the congressman was on a routine conference call but became convinced that Graff hadn’t provided him with a crucial piece of information.

Graff was in the next room and suddenly heard Weiner yelling at him through the wall. Then, according to Graff, Weiner started pounding his fists on his desk, kicked a chair and unleashed a string of expletives.

Two weeks later, Graff resigned after a short stint working for Weiner.

The Times reports that Weiner has had more turnover of employees in his office than any other member of the New York U.S. House delegation in the last six years. About half of the congressman’s staff has been on board for less than a year. Since 2007 he’s had three chiefs of staff.

Why did the newspaper go to all the trouble to dig up this information about Weiner? Because he’s a top candidate for mayor of New York City next year.

The paper concludes Weiner’s actions as a boss of 20 or so employees in his congressional office offer clues about how he might handle New York’s 300,000 municipal workers.

Blame it on Brooklyn

Weiner’s toughness isn’t limited to occasional rants.

He’s also a technology fiend who requires little sleep and rarely takes a day off. He routinely instant messages his employees on weekends, often with one-word codes: “Teeth” means your answer reminds me of pulling teeth. “Weeds” means you’re too much in the weeds.

Even in normal conversation, Weiner speaks at a high decibel level.

Weiner blames his brusque nature on his New York roots. “When you grow up in Brooklyn, you know, sometimes arguing is the sport,” he said.

The congressman attributes the high turnover on his staff in part to the high expectations he sets for his employees.

Some former employees, including Graff, who left Weiner’s employment still have good things to say about him.

But some on the outside who have to deal with Weiner’s office say the turnover has created an air of instability.

And his constant texting has irked some. During a panel discussion on the middle class earlier this year, Weiner worked on his BlackBerry nonstop while the session was in progress.

“The clock is always ticking,” Weiner explained.

Do you have stories about difficult bosses? Let us know about them in the comments box below.

Help wanted: Ability to swim – fast – required. Must not be afraid of working in close proximity to animals with sharp teeth. Low pay.

That’s what the classified ad might have read for a job at a circus in southern Italy.

Police rescued two teenage Bulgarian sisters from the circus which forced one of them to swim with flesh-eating piranhas for the amusement of guests.

The other sister was forced into a container where the circus staff tossed snakes at her, according to wire service reports. She was injured by one of the snakes.

Police made arrested three people who ran the circus, accusing them of forcing the sisters to live in virtual slavery.

The women were paid only 100 euros (about $156) a week and lived in a trailer that had been used to transport animals.

]]> http://www.hrblunders.com/sisters-had-to-swim-with-piranhas-avoid-harm-from-snakes-in-circus/feed/ 0 http://www.hrblunders.com/can-you-top-these-workers-excuses-for-being-late/ http://www.hrblunders.com/can-you-top-these-workers-excuses-for-being-late/#comments Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:00:41 +0000 Fred Hosier http://www.hrblunders.com/?p=66 If only they were this creative while doing their jobs: A recent survey of hiring managers lists some of the best (worst?) reasons employees give for being late for work.

Maybe someone should tell workers that making up outrageous excuses for being late to work doesn’t help their cases.

But if we did that, you wouldn’t have lists like this one from CareerBuilder.com.

The job-search Web site has come up with a list of top excuses employees give for being late to work.

And there’s a lot of excuse-making going on: CareerBuilder surveyed workers, and 24% admitted making up fake excuses.

Now, some of the best of the list:

The line was too long at Starbucks. (You really do have trouble thinking before you have your morning coffee, don’t you?)

I had to go audition for American Idol. (Well, that’s a new song on us.)

Someone stole all my daffodils. (And are you missing some marbles, too?)

While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog. (Boy, I’d say so!)

Can you top any of these? Let HR Blunders know.

The grammar police are attacking the, uh, police.

The Plain English Campaign (PEC) is an independent group fighting for plain English in public communication in Britain. The group opposes gobbledygook, jargon and legalese.

Among their latest targets are police agencies. Corporate-speak such as “end games” and “mission statements” have invaded. PEC has christened this police-speak as “ploddedygook,” named after British slang for a police officer (plod).

One police force changed the name of its control room to “Citizen Focus Command.” Another refers to crime victims as “customers.”

Customers?

“Hello, may I help you?”

“I’d like to order some crime.”

“Would that be petty or supersized?”

“Will the supersized take longer?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“Then just give me a small order of petty crime – to go.”

So the collective known herein as HR Blunders would like to laud our fellow literary originators at PEC for their crusade to obliterate obtuse phraseology from the orbitting mass known as Earth. We extend our assistance in the quest to eviscerate argot and cant from our common tongue.

Worker: I found toxic hazards here at work. Company: You must be crazy.

And the company meant it, literally.

Jack Seddon was a worker at a DuPont Company plant in New Jersey for 30 years.

In 2003, he turned DuPont in to OSHA, saying a reactor he operated was corroded and in danger of leaking a substance that would burn the eyes and respiratory system.

After Seddon filed the complaint, DuPont referred him to a company therapist, who recommended suspending Seddon for two months with pay.

Several independent psychologists found Seddon to be mentally sound.

He retired from his job the next year, and the company replaced the reactor in question.

Seddon also sued the company. At trial, an expert said if the reactor had leaked even just 10% of its contents, it would have caused a lethal plume measuring 1,000 feet by 1,000 feet.

Recently, a jury awarded him $1.2 million, according to local media reports. The suit claimed DuPont violated New Jersey’s Conscientious Employee Protection Act, which forbids employers from taking retaliatory action against workers who report they believe is illegal to managers or authorities.

Imagine having to explain this dress code to new hires: Do anything you can so you don’t look fat.

A retail store in Great Britain may not have been quite so blunt – but it came close.

Thousands of employees of the Next stores received a style guide that, basically, demands they look as thin as possible at work.

Among the dress code suggestions:

• Wear a certain type of clothing called “magic pants” to “hide lumps and bumps.”
• Use neck scarves to draw attention “away from those body parts you want to hide.”
• Put on bright shirts and ties to take attention away from “love handles.”
• Avoid “kitten heels if you are pear shaped.”

Some workers were insulted by the dress manual, according to a British newspaper.

An organization that helps people with eating disorders condemned the style guide.

Next’s chief executive Susan Ring said the company is entitled to expect its people to dress “smartly.”

Later, a Next spokesman said, “On reflection, we’ve made a rather thoughtless mistake. We have withdrawn the leaflet and apologized for the error.”

Well, maybe. But we kind of liked the hiding-the-love-handles idea.